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 Emergency Buzzard Behaviour

I am a rabbit

And I’ve got a habit

Called Emergency Buzzard Behaviour

So listen ear lad

If you don’t want to be had

Cos I’ll tell yer something

Which’ll save yer

When yer sat on yer arse

Just nibbling the grass

And acting as if yer not bothered

Better ask why

And consider the sky

And the serious hazard of buzzards

Which attack at the drop

Of the magic top-hat

Of the sort from which wizards produce yer

And without asking please

Take you into the trees

Before they begin to reduce yer.

What you should be doing

Instead of just chewing

And drinking those dewdrops which glisten

Is be wise on the breeze

Point yer ears at the trees

And then to the birdsong

Just listen

So if out of the blue

And unknown to you

A  foul buzzard should threaten to hurt yer

You’ll hear the word

From some sentinel bird

Whose alarm call will serve to alert yer.

Now don’t cut up rough

Or try acting tough

Because buzzards will know that you are bluffing

And don’t get the notion

Of jumping or leaping

Do nothing – cos birds notice motion.

Just stay perfectly still

And remain so until

His urge to fly southward get keener

Or heaven forfend

He begins to descend

Because he has already seen yer.

Now if this should occur

Don’t bristle yer fur

Because that’s the preserve of the braver

But neither go numb

For the time has now come

For “Emergency Buzzard Behaviour”.

Go Krazy now lad!

If yer not to be had

Go mad with March-hare like abandon

Run hither and thither in all directions at once

Choosing all your directions at random.

This last ditch procedure

Erratically patterned

Will make yer much safer by far

From cruel flying things with bright steely eyes

And great whirring wings increasing in size

Unless you should find yerself flattened

Cos that buzzard was really a car.

by Alex Gibbon