Emergency Buzzard Behaviour
I am a rabbit
And I’ve got a habit
Called Emergency Buzzard Behaviour
So listen ear lad
If you don’t want to be had
Cos I’ll tell yer something
Which’ll save yer
When yer sat on yer arse
Just nibbling the grass
And acting as if yer not bothered
Better ask why
And consider the sky
And the serious hazard of buzzards
Which attack at the drop
Of the magic top-hat
Of the sort from which wizards produce yer
And without asking please
Take you into the trees
Before they begin to reduce yer.
What you should be doing
Instead of just chewing
And drinking those dewdrops which glisten
Is be wise on the breeze
Point yer ears at the trees
And then to the birdsong
Just listen
So if out of the blue
And unknown to you
A foul buzzard should threaten to hurt yer
You’ll hear the word
From some sentinel bird
Whose alarm call will serve to alert yer.
Now don’t cut up rough
Or try acting tough
Because buzzards will know that you are bluffing
And don’t get the notion
Of jumping or leaping
Do nothing – cos birds notice motion.
Just stay perfectly still
And remain so until
His urge to fly southward get keener
Or heaven forfend
He begins to descend
Because he has already seen yer.
Now if this should occur
Don’t bristle yer fur
Because that’s the preserve of the braver
But neither go numb
For the time has now come
For “Emergency Buzzard Behaviour”.
Go Krazy now lad!
If yer not to be had
Go mad with March-hare like abandon
Run hither and thither in all directions at once
Choosing all your directions at random.
This last ditch procedure
Erratically patterned
Will make yer much safer by far
From cruel flying things with bright steely eyes
And great whirring wings increasing in size
Unless you should find yerself flattened
Cos that buzzard was really a car.
by Alex Gibbon
